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Becoming Bastian Salazar

by Drew Danburry

/
1.
When I looked up from the floorboards, I found no reason to remain, Accepting my own imperfections, doesn't mean you'd do the same. And unfulfilled hopes taste worse, with every passing day, The more I impatiently wait, the more I drown in the despair that things won't change. So let me be forgotten, release me from this cage, Let my hopes and dreams all fade, just like your friendship, we'll both pretend it's still the same.
2.
If I've a face that plays the plaintiff, then please allow me two defendants, If you've a name that needs replacing, please allow me more, please allow me more. If you're supporting stay at home sons, whose callow comments leave you lacking, And in a cleft stick you remain love, better bring out the branks, time to bring out the branks. Oh, the kisses that we stole, the faith we placed in whole, Stealing our supper and clinging to coattails. Oh, the Russell Johnson life, the Crescent City nights, The sniffing sounds so evident, of how you've been filling in the blanks. But I won't embark on, I won't embark on, another failure, a maudlin strain, Tilting at windmills, though there be, white horses on the sea.
3.
By now, you'll be, a million miles gone, your tongue between your teeth, Captive conundrums, replaced with a lark, riding those railings, well into the dark. And execrated when you're found again. And although you won't consider coming home, at least consider those, Kissing their Bibles and gilding their eyes, jarring the heavens with their plaintive cries, And throwing their bonnets o'er mills. In the light of your own vampire you can always count on being empty and greedy, Cause piling tomorrows will leave you empty days with waiting games to skin your knees. You haven't hit your stride, you've hit an access, a coward's contest, Presenting prattle to ironed ears with a stethoscope in your hands. But if you could just remember winsome days, withholding your disdain, Thin skinned and hopeful, conjecturing how to kill your albatross and to avow, Chivalry among all men. With acquaintances like an interlacing arcade count on them at hazard when in disaster, You know well the price of ladder rungs but lost the value of good friends. Not realizing criticism doesn't contribute, eviscerating, defenestrating. Traditions once maintaining joy, now sullied and undermined. But oh how it helps when mavens thrush like tones outweigh those making bones, And if all the auguries are looking bleak if words twist to justify death for belief, Well good timber does not grow with ease.
4.
I saw you stopping traffic, another of your affairs. I knew I had to have you, even if I had to share. Your neck was made of diamond, your brow was made of brass. My heart was burning inside, but I knew it couldn't last. But oh, take my heart and soul, I know it's worth less when it's free. But darling you're like a dream, I'll give you anything. I slowly walked up to you, I played my best hard to get. I introduced myself and I asked you where you lived. You wrapped your arms around me, you pulled me tight and close. You placed your lips upon mine and gently stole my soul. And oh, take my heart and soul, I know it's worth less when it's free. But darling you're like a dream, I'll give you anything.
5.
You were lonely, I was lonely, too. I held you for long as I could. I was lonely, you were lonely, too. You held me as long as you could. And everything you took from me, you gave me that much more. And everything I couldn't see, I see better than before. You were lonely, I was lonely, too. I held you with the best I could. I was lonely, you were lonely, too. You held me with the best you could. And now I see just what I've lost, despite all that I have gained. I'm sure it all was worth the cost, so sorry I couldn't remain. We were lonely, (I'm) sure you been lonely, too. We hold our love long as we should.
6.
These simple shelves, will one day become balustrades, To guard your health, from any ideas that would strain. That simple joy, now placed in glass upon display, Refraining touch, for what our father's fought to stay. Let me tell you about an observation, Something I was thinking about this nation, That maybe there is good and bad in everything. But how could anyone presume that they know, Defining anything at all just seems so... When there are billions of perspectives... To understand, what motivates another man, And how they can, place value on the things I can't. These simple songs, will get me nowhere in this life, You'd sing along, if they weren't boringly despised. Let me share with you a brief confession, There's not any need for outside mention, But I've been writing all these songs, just for myself. How could anyone consider thousands, Let alone a song with meaning to them, I cannot escape myself enough, to write a hit.
7.
Victoria, why must you be so cold? Why must you be above my every feeling, have you no soul? And Brooklyn dear, why must you hide in fear? Why must you hide behind the skirts of strangers when I come near? I never felt worse than tonight, my ideals are begging to die, So when I drown in my blood don't bother to ask reasons.... Why there's a red ribbon tied to my wrist, protection from all four lines of English, But Saint Jude's backed me right from the beginning I might as well stop. Oh Bellingham, it's been how many years? My fondness fills as yearning overwhelms me, for your kind ears. And oh Charleston, your lovely summer nights, Your southern kindness washes my wounds clean, just like your ocean side. And a thicker skin I've always lacked and hypocritically asking more tact, It'd benefit me if you'd lend your ears, take fiction for... The fact that you would give some of your time, to help a stranger in easing his mind, With pressing highways and financial worries, well, I'll be okay. And oh Provo, why must you be so strange? Why must you divide people to extremes? You give your own bad name! A clever trick to keep people at bay, so many come and then go on their way, We may not live here forever but we'll always be glad we came.
8.
Cloistered round, estranged and down, engrossed by what keeps inside here. Simply defined, we undermine, our inherent worth and our potential value. And I don't want to be, how you saw me, With a click and lock you placed me here forever. So please just forget, the day we first met, I can reintroduce myself as another. And oh how I'm fond, of dwelling on, things I see in others is all I see in myself. And my advice, this plaintive cry, with its parrot phrasing coupled with thin lipped wisdom. And I don't want to be, how you saw me, With a click and lock you placed me here forever. So please just forget, the day we first met, I can reintroduce myself as another.
9.
It's unbearable lack of talent, tied to foolish dreams, That there may be a single person, who's helped by anything, I've done or could do, Cause I've done nothing my life through. And my heart is daily breaking, for all the friends I've lost, Nothing lasts forever but can't there be just one? One love for life at least, Cause I'd give most anything. So I'll crawl into a corner, to face the wall and die, I thought there was a purpose for my life but it's a lie, No one could sift through this, What I daily wade in.
10.
Now, more than ever else before, I have lost all hope for shore in this great sea. And by, whatever right that I can find, whether through God or my own life, I'll make believe. That whatever I do has purpose, and my actions affect the world around. And it may be very small, but what I do is all for love. And if, I can fool myself of the truth, convince myself I'll convince you without a doubt. Although, it may hurt to two, I will keep hiding me from you and where I'm found. But if you're dumb enough to think it, that I am really what you hear by ear. A voice recorded from the air. A name, an object, an affair. The broken shards and pieces tear me apart.
11.
I never imagined a lack of words, but speaking just doesn't please me. I've said as much as I can think to say there's just so little I'm still feeling. Except a hole inside my chest, the place you used to rest your head. What once was full, has nothing left. What held my love is empty and harbors hatred. And I might miss, what isn't there, if I could but recall. The things I felt before are more than lost, they're buried dead and gone. And in their place an anger grows, a feeling I didn't know. And until now I still had hope. But love abandoned becomes the thing we all fear most. When pain becomes, a body numb. No point in placing effort, with anyone. As distance grows, with human touch. Nobody feelings value, for very much. The end result, yet to be seen. But I can promise you, it's about to get... With these hands...
12.
You've been throwing books without much logic, You've handed Jeffrey Sachs a rope and whip. Consulting with Joan Quigley about progress, While mountains crash around sick slaughtered pigs. There's only one good answer to, all the stupid questions you, Rhetorically keep asking me, as if one sided silence understands. You're loyal to God and to his country, but every war is Pyrrhic in success. Your regal manners contrast with your morals, I noticed all your neighbors have scarred wrists. Your mouth has dysentery, let me take those straws you’re clutching, Cause I want more than fifteen minutes, to build a box that I can stand on.
13.
More lost than found with a porcelain crown, I pulled all of myself up on shaking knees. With a wooden mouth and an iron tongue, barking profanities from a bloody shredded throat. Catching stares on my left and my right, but unable to find ears for any words. Placing trains on crowds, spitting facts out, for them to fall into the gutter where you belong. I'm gonna be there when you drown. I'm gonna be there when you thrash about. Next time I try, I won't be denied or robbed of any justice I feel I deserve.
14.
When I was young you took my arm, To never leave my side while it was dark. You placed a nail on my outstretched tongue, You promised to give me words but in the end I'd owe you one. And it was you, I sold my soul to. So we laid out knives between the words, And lying is lots of fun but the truth seems to have more hurt. So we mixed it up, went Surrey side, Swinging for the heavens and aiming for the eyes. But it was you, who knew how to shoot. You'd think after all of these years, the mountains would come crashing down. You'd think after all this blood spilt, the slaughtered would scream from torn mouths. And everyone leaning on faith, would see that there just was no hope. As long as I'm known. When it comes to lies, they're best told true, As long as you're around it is the best I seem to do. It's like once you start, it's hard to quit, You put in so much work to wish you could return each bit. But it's what you, keep holding me to.

about

Becoming Bastian Salazar tells the story of how one person evolves from love to hate, hope to despair, and altruism to egocentricity.

It is a prequel to the Apache recording project and a sequel to the 2010 album Goodnight Dannii. I hope you enjoy the evolution of the album and appreciate the time and thought that has been placed into the words, themes and music.

credits

released September 16, 2013

Jesse Nicholas Quebbeman-Turley – Drums on Tracks 2-4, 6, 7, 10 and 14
Tyler Osmond – Bass on Tracks 2, 3, 6-11
Kyle Hooper – Bass on Track 4 and 14
Steve Richardson – Bass on Track 13
Severin Bozung – Piano on Track 3 and 6
Rachel Ostler, Mayu Greenhalgh, Quinn Boyack, Bryan Lew - Strings on Track 1 and 3
Additional Engineering on Tracks 1-4, 5-9 and 14 by Jay William Henderson
Additional Production and Engineering by Nate Pyfer on Tracks 10-13
Tracks 1, 2, 4, and 6 mixed by Scott Wiley
Tracks 3, 7, 9-14 mixed by Michael Greene
All songs Mastered by Carl Saff
Album Art by Lynette Kelly

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Drew Danburry Baltimore, Maryland

Drew Danburry has independently toured and released records since 2002.

He's released over 400 songs on over 20 albums/13 EPs and played 800 + shows worldwide. Including 2 Daytrotter sessions, 3 invitations to Pop Montreal, 1 to Pygmalion Music Festival and 1 to Treefort Music Festival.

He's accomplished this long list of acheivements almost entirely DIY.
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